Don't leave me here to pass through time

I'm on vacation mode and suddenly for the first time in over a month i have no idea what to do. All day, every day, i've had shit to deal with. People. Traders. Eternally something to be stressed/annoyed about. Suddenly i just don't.

I'm actually glad you can't break it in the first three days. That way i know even if i feel like checking i can't. After that hopefully it won't be so bad XD

Shk is the centre of my life. After WoW  i never wanted that again and yet here I am.

So what to do?

I've got two weeks to decide. Go back or just blow it off and walk away.

The main thing that makes me want to stay right now is the people. I'm crap at keeping in contact with people, i've lived in the same street as a friend and saw him once a month or so o_O

But do i play a game just to keep friends who play it too? I don't want it to be necessary tbh. Eventually i'd resent them for having to put up something i disliked just to talk to them :/

I'm looking at other options. As usual, always have a plan.

in other news,

If we ever meet again - katy perry.

Aka 'the one that got away'

*sings*

ahh, the nostalga.

All this money can't buy me a time machine.

Oh well, another life then.

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away.

The ago is awful far away. Acceptance. Sigh.

Relationship napalm.

Rihanna. Missed a few years of that. Chest infections suck for singing though.

"just gonna stand there and watch me burn"
yeah. just... why. i squeak it somewhere online in pure bemusement.

"and this tug of war you'll always win even when I'm right.
Cause you feed me fables from your head with violent words and empty threats
and its sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied"

but really. are you going to just stand there and watch me burn?

i'd like to see you hurt. to be fair. sadistic as that is

i once loved the way you lied.

becasue the pretty tale you span was better than reality.

"so mabea i'm a masochist."

Just...

Trying to find poetry from that era, while back now.

People are strange. And to love someone that deeply who pokes where tis squishy with a sharp stick tends to leave a scar.

This may be a little too emo for semi-public rambling.

Netday

Welcome to the return of the ramble!

few thousand things to do... including 2years of stuff that would have been on here. Meh, i'll get to it.


http://open.spotify.com/track/6UaRii9AH6Zss9xNMEQ2M9

Chest infection much? xD

Internet connectivity incoming,
prepare to be observed.
Are you eating congealed pasta or just being a nerd?
Warcraft, Skype and forum boards; How to cook or order hoes.
An ode to you i do compose, it may be lol or just asplode.

Energy - rope theory

Family can cause pain. Caution recommended.

I <3 Scotland

The internet is an appendage.

Where are the colony ships?

omg, two years of xkcd to catch upon  Also naruto, all new/undiscovered music. Sci fi films.. books.. omg nomnomnom xD.

Drool doesnt lie.

Warning, if i have not seen you lately a visit may be incoming.


"but you'll always be my hero... even though you've lost your mind."



Happy times x

Social

Just ugh really.

I get it. When it comes down to it, for most people, I’m a rather shit friend. Disappearing for months/years and missing those all important events that reinforce the bond. Being familiar with all those ‘do you remember when’s. But it doesn’t mean I love them any less.

I know I’m over sensitive when it comes to rejection; I can has abandonment issues kk. But tis not all that difficult to just say ‘I’d rather we didn’t talk anymore’. I’d certainly prefer it to stewing over my potential status as unwanted person who just won’t take a hint. Certainly a worry considering how awful I can be at deciphering social cues.
Meh.
I shall bravely flounder on, banging my head against disinterest until it dissipates or bangs back.


_____________________________________________________________________________


Feb 12

Huh. Social skills, my forte.
Life is good till it gets in the way
Understanding your wisdom
A game that we play
Multiple endings; chase a new day.

Not sure of your ending. the part you shall play.
this missunderstanding i fear is our shame.

Trying to flounder
thoughts cast assunder
i know not the issue

But hell. I'll miss you.

itsumo x

Drift

"I want to live alone
because the greatest love is always ruined by the bickering,
the argument of living."

Really?

At once this resonates yet I don't wish to believe it as truth.
To live at such a distance as the 'argument of living' is not dealt with together then.. what is the point?

I would rather drift alone than only have the eddies [moved/disturbed/influenced]; to be together is to mingle the dust and blow [together/in concert/simultaneously]

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Feb 12

Within formless shifting seas of fate.

 I can be hard
I can be soft
I am formless seas
Shaped by froth
Shaped yet lost
not all
not most
Shaped yet lost
Waves sculpting
Seagulls aloft
For joy I create
Tangled thoughts, grasped
Stained and sculpted
Taking form from the lost strands of mist.
Shaped yet lost
not all
not most
lost

puppy love....?

[02:58]: and they called them... puppy glooooveees
[02:59]: but i guess they'll never know... how a warm hand really feeeeeels
[02:59]: and thats why i loved them soooooo

showing emotion

Ever been laughed at when stating the situation makes you angry?

'If that is your angry face i think i'll be fine' ;)

Hmm, lack of importance given to the feeling because it is not seen?

Momentary perception.

Musings that really made sense at the time

The point of insanity is not wondering if your vision is shifting because reality itself is moving and not just your perception; it is believing it. [as fact not possibility]

What if the situation appeared that the observation was true?

Further evidence necessary.

Fragments of thoughts

In love, always be yourself. Stray too far from that path and one day you'll wake up to find your partner really loves another.

Chicken soup for the soul

I came across this phrase a while ago and have been pondering it. What, for me, makes everything seem a little bit better?

Fruits Basket
Good conversation with a friend

Poems

Occasionally, i jump on the poetic bandwagon.

no light do i see
there is only me
reality so thin
no balance within

Standing on the podium
staring at the glass

The encircling shards of mirror
reflecting self and past

The ‘real’ world is unfocused
peripheral effect

This addition to perception
a serious defect?

This drifting sea of possibility
which picture should I follow?

No idea what to do today
all I see is tomorrow

Unplug reality, life is a dream
what point in action when consequence foreseen?

note; lurking

Forums. I lurk. And i'm proud of it. No actually im not, i sit in the shadows avoiding notice and crying into my pink teddy bear at night because nobody likes me.

Viewpoints linking lurkage(?) to stalkers, 'creepy people' and heavy breathers exist, is it true?
Have i missed my calling? All these hours wasted playing video games and navel gazing could have been more productively directed at nerdfighting. I would be a ninjastalking nerd. Dressed in my inconspicuous closest/clean style of dressing they wouldnt notice me until i decided the time was right.

I intended something more for this blog. A half glimsed idea glimmered, pirhoetted and pop!

[random]

Don't you just hate to loose a thought?
Drifting drifting, floating off
Drifting off they're seen a lot.
Like bubbles, but not?

[/random]

Visualizing other people when talking to self, defense mechanism?

As we grow there are certain learned facts. Talking to ourselves in the third person is a sign of mental illness.

How then to you subconsciously react to pondering issues in a detached fashion? Do you insert accepted variables to increase comfort?